Best Partnerships are Not Accidents

On March 22nd, I officiated Brooke and Cole’s wedding ceremony at Texas Discovery Gardens at Fair Park, in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:

Friends, our shared traditions embrace lifelong learning and learning from everyone. So, whenever I officiate a wedding, I ask myself, this couple being unique individuals, what can I learn from them, what are they, consciously or maybe even unconsciously, teaching me, and indeed us?

Not what do we admire about them. Not what do we celebrate.
But what are they actually teaching us, simply by the way they have chosen each other?

From Brooke and Cole, I think we learn something powerful about intention.

Cole grew up in a family shaped by service. After 9/11, he watched his stepfather deploy to Afghanistan and Iraq. On one side of his family there was governmental service; on the other, community policing. He chose the Army. He has served in Guam, Oklahoma, and El Paso. His life has been about looking after others, coaching others, helping others get where they want to go.

And yet when he writes about Brooke, there is a shift. He says, “With her I have that for myself.” That may be one of the most honest lines in his entire essay. A man who has spent years serving others discovered what it feels like to be fully supported in return. He says marrying her is “the most certain I’ve been about anything in my life.” That is not casual language from someone who has made serious commitments before.

Brooke’s story teaches us something equally intentional. She writes that what she loves about being Jewish is “the celebration of life, love, and community,” the feeling of being part of a tribe. And she is very clear about something important: while there can be pressure to marry within the faith, what mattered most to her was shared family values. If a partner shared her commitment to family, respect, and building something lasting, religion would not divide them.

Then she says something I absolutely love. She writes, “Cole and I did not meet by accident. I went looking for him, knowing exactly what I wanted.” That is not fate in the passive sense. That is purpose. That is clarity.

Their first date was at Topgolf. Not candlelight. Not poetry. Just two people being goofy and terrible at strange golf games. Cole says he knew she was special because he could be his “goofy self” around her. Brooke says it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a “slow-burn kind of love.” They set expectations early. They asked each other real questions. They took their time.

What can we learn from that? That love does not have to be dramatic to be profound. That clarity is more powerful than chemistry alone. That being able to be your goofy, imperfect self may matter more than being impressive.

Brooke describes them as “two independent people choosing to share our lives with each other.” I think that line is everything. Not two people who need each other. Not two people completing each other. Two people choosing.

As the oldest siblings in their families, both are used to leading, to chasing goals, to standing on their own. They weren’t looking for rescue. They were looking for partnership.

And partnership, as they describe it, is not about sameness. They move through life differently. They approach things differently. But over time they have learned to understand and respect those differences. Brooke says those differences have made them stronger, teaching patience and flexibility. Cole says he would marry her “today, tomorrow, yesterday, anywhere dressed in anything.” That is not about a wedding day. That is about certainty.

So what do Brooke and Cole teach us?

They teach us that love can be deliberate.
That commitment can be thoughtful, not rushed.
That independence and intimacy are not opposites.
That shared values matter more than shared backgrounds.
And that being fully yourself with someone is one of life’s greatest gifts.

They remind us that marriage is not simply romance. It is choosing to build a life. It is deciding, with open eyes, that this is your teammate. This is your person.

Brooke and Cole, thank you for teaching us that love, when chosen with intention, becomes something steady, strong, and deeply joyful.

And may all of us leave here remembering that the best partnerships are not accidents. They are built.