Wise Student
Inspiring lessons that I have learned from couples, whose interfaith weddings I officiated.
BY RABBI DAVID S. GRUBER
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On Saturday, June 21, 2025, I officiated Anjali and Bobby’s wedding ceremony at the Four Seasons in Mexico City, Mexico. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests: Anjali and Bobby met through working at the same hospital. For five years their interactions were purely professional. Anjali liked what she saw: “I noticed early on he was quite shy and reserved but had a distinctly kind and genuine way about him. He wasn’t like most surgeons. There was no ego, he was not demanding and was quite respectful and understanding of some of the difficult decisions we often have to make in the OR. That alone is the way to an Anesthesiologists heart!” Now how exactly they became a couple, I will leave that to Anjali and Bobby to fill you in on, but I will say it is one of those times when mothers know best.  Bobby describes the initial part of their relationship from his vantage point: “The first time we spent time with each other outside of work, it was like something clicked. She was easy to talk to, the conversation flowed, our senses of humor matched. I felt safe around her. I could be myself. The more I learned about her I saw that she is kind and caring. She has a generous spirit. She is thoughtful and introspective, something I value most.”
Anjali tells us what makes this relationship work: “Bobby, over the years, has exhibited the attributes that I have always hoped to find in a partner—he is kind, compassionate, patient, and loving. There is not a day in the past five years that I have not felt valued and truly understood, which is such a rare and precious feeling. The most important thing to me, though, is that he allows me to be myself. With him, I feel completely comfortable and accepted, without any pressure to be anything other than who I am. His love and support help me grow into the best version of myself, and I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.” Bobby agrees: “Anajali brings out the better parts of me. We complement each other's strengths. We listen to each other and are able to compromise. We encourage each other, we make decisions together, and we are able to give and take constructive criticism. We have known each other long enough to be sure that what we have is a real commitment. Now we want to make the commitment official, and share it with our family and friends.” On May 31, 2025, I officiated Kate and Josh’s wedding ceremony at the Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests: When Kate was a child, she cut her sister Caroline’s hair off while playing pretend wedding, much to her mother’s dismay. Kate joked, “Caroline made a very good groom for a day, but I’m far more excited for my new and real groom, Joshua!” In fact, humor has been a constant in Kate and Josh’s relationship from the start with Josh’s goofy dating app profile proudly stating, “Dad jokes are the best jokes.” Josh recounted to me: “We had our first date in a bar. I can still see her walking into the bar, praying it was her, and knowing without a doubt it was.” Along with the romance, there was a humorous aspect to this first encounter too. Kate and Josh had both lied about their heights with Josh adding an inch and Kate subtracting an inch.  Their shared sense of humor was even key to their relationship winning family approval. When Kate met Josh’s parents and brother Alex at the Met, Kate and Josh made puns back and forth the whole time, cracking each other up and making Josh’s family constantly roll their eyes. Josh’s parents said they knew Kate was the one for Josh because they had the same silly sense of humor. In turn, when Josh visited Kate’s family for the first time, he was a good sport regarding all the pranks they pulled on him.
Humor even factored into expressing their feelings for each other. One Sunday they were trying to figure out what game to play and Kate said, “I love Yahtzee!” Josh mistakenly heard, “I love you!” and was shocked, as they had not been together for long. Neither of them were quite ready to declare their love, but from then on they would say Yahtzee to each other in intimate moments. Later that year, Kate and Josh had gone to see a musical and ended up at a 24-hour diner. Kate looked at Josh all dressed up and started crying because she loved him so much. Kate said Yahtzee and Josh told Kate he loved her. They will never forget that sweet moment. Since then, Kate and Josh have gone on many laughter-filled adventures and created a home filled with love and their adorable puppy, Lulu. Kate and Josh, what a sweet tale. What we wish for you is that you continue to share your humor and your love, and that it always feel as fresh as it did that night in the 24-hour diner. With that, let’s move on to your vows. Yahtzee! On Saturday, May 10, 2025, I officiated Alyse and Aaron’s wedding ceremony at the Dallas Arboretum (Jonsson Family Color Garden) in Dallas, Texas. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests:  Aaron uses very interesting language when he describes what happened when they got together: “I felt at ease with her almost immediately...” Hearing this, I couldn’t help but think of the words of Sarah McLachlan, “Loving you is easy, loving you is wondrous and pure.” If you know Alyse and Aaron, you know this speaks to their mutual love.
Alyse, in words that Aaron could have written too, describes what this relationship has done for both of them: “I didn’t realize how much better everything would be when I got to do it with Aaron. I am so grateful we met as soon as we did, because now no amount of time feels like it could ever be enough.” Again, Sarah McLachlan’s words speak to this: “Oh the fury of desire, you burn so bright, electrify, you light me up, you take me higher.” One of the best aspects of Alyse and Aaron’s relationship is their differences and how they have dealt with their differences. Not only do these differences between them not hurt their relationship. They enhance it. Aaron says: “We make each other better people. We have different skill sets, but we complement each other… Being with Alyse gives me a drive and sense of purpose that was missing.” This might be the most important thing we can do for each other. After all, as the Stoics remind us, though we mostly concern ourselves with health, wealth, and reputation, the only thing we really have control over is our virtue and the sense of purpose that our virtue can impart on us. Alyse sums it up: “I always said I would only marry someone if they were TRULY perfect for me…” And here they stand. |